Secrets
by somethingoftheunknown
Summary: Even if he knows, she knows, god... the whole world knows that Dan Humphrey plus Blair Waldorf equals 2012, he couldn't help but think, at the exact moment their lips touched, that they just... fit.
1. First Kiss

**I really put their names on this one. So yeah this is my first not oneshot for Gossip Girl. It's another one of those Chuck-left-Blair-and-Dan-comforted-her-now-it's-fucked-up-type of story. Please enjoy.**

* * *

He saw her leave.

Her chocolate curls swaying left to right as she ran for the door.

Without thinking, he followed (_he was not supposed to follow)_, he even called her name (_He was not supposed to call her name)._

She tried to ignore it, not wanting him to see her like this, weak and broken, but she couldn't help but turn around at the sound of his voice.

"What?" she said, trying to mask the hurt with the usual mockery in her voice, but it wasn't enough to slip pass him.

"You're broken" He said it so bluntly. The way he looked straight into her eyes and the way he said the truth so easily made her freeze on her toes.

"I'm not a toy that breaks, Humphrey" she replied sarcastically after getting a hold of herself. But she couldn't hide the tone that made it obvious to Dan that she clearly understands what he meant.

"You know what I mean…" he paused not really sure he was the best person to be telling this to Blair Waldorf. "You're not you"

She couldn't really say anything. The truth… the truth stabbed her like a knife at the back. She already knew, she's been hiding it… but Dan Humphrey saw right through it.

And she thought Chuck was the only person to. But he left her, hence, turning her into this.

"You're hurting and I know that, no matter how much you try to hide it" he was heading to her direction now. "And Chuck has something to do with this, right?"

Truths kept spilling from his mouth and by now Blair couldn't really do anything but fall down to the floor and start sobbing. "I know, okay!" more tears poured down her eyes "I'm broken, I 'm a mess and I lost myself"

He sat down beside her and put his arm around her shoulder. "Chuck's an idiot."

"What? You're going to start comforting me after making me cry." There was a hint of humor in her voice making Dan's chest feel a little lighter.

"You know that I didn't want to make you cry, I just wanted to hear it from you." He squeezed her playfully causing the first smile in Blair's face since Chuck. "Yeah. And Chuck is an idiot"

"I've already heard that form everyone. He's always been an idiot."

"I know. But this time, he proved to the world that he can actually be more of an idiot than he already is"

"Why is that?" He can hear the smile on her voice. She knew what he was going to say, and even though it's cliché, she still wanted to hear it.

"Because he left you" He replied, not failing her expectations.

They just sat on the floor in silence, his arm still around her shoulder. The awkwardness of the silence was catching up to them, so Blair decided on saying something.

"And… What's up with you and comforting me in hallways?" Blair said. She obviously felt better but there is still hurt in her voice.

He chuckled a little bit. "Why? You want me to stop?"

Blair blushed a little bit because no, she doesn't want him to stop, and she actually doesn't hate Dan at times like this because yes, she appreciates Dan Humphrey's help. Of course she would never say that to him. "It's just that I never expected you to care…I mean, after all the things I've done to you… you still help me."

Now _he _was blushing. He doesn't really hate her, he actually _can't_ bring himself to hate her, well, actually he can't bring himself to hate anyone. But still, he couldn't understand why he was helping her, why he followed her. This was already the second time and he still doesn't understand.

He tried to change the direction of the conversation. "Okay. Now let me help you up and get you a cab ride home." He stood up and offered his hand to her.

She took the hand into hers and pulled herself up. He waited for her to let go of his hand but she didn't. She started walking towards the exit, tugging him to follow.

When she had to let go of his hand and go in the cab, she placed a soft kiss on his lips.

At that moment, his head was filled with questions that needed to be answered. _What the hell? Is that Blair? Why did she do that? Is this real? Am I dreaming? Am I dead? _

But when he saw the way she looked at him through the window of the cab as it starts to drive away he knew.

He knew that what happened that night should never escape from his lips.

* * *

**I'm sorry it's short and even though I'm not good with updating... I promise to update as soon as possible. Thank you for reading, please review!!!**


	2. Gossip Girl

**Yeah here is the second chapter. Sorry if it took me long.**

**

* * *

**

But nothing could hide the prying eyes of Manhattan… especially Gossip Girl's.

She walked through the streets of New York, a phone in hand, but still causing thousands of heads to turn at the sight of her flawless face and golden hair.

"Are you sure you're fine?" She asked through the phone.

"Better than expected, actually" The girl replied.

"Well okay, if you say so, but I'll visit you later"

"I'm really fine S… but if you insist…"

"Thanks B. Bye."

"Bye S."

She flipped her phone shut and she entered her so-called "home".

'_Never really felt like a home' _She thought.

She went in the elevator and punched in the floor number.

'_Real homes don't have elevators'_

As she walked in the door, she can hear her heels echo as it hit the cold, hard marble floor. Empty again.

She sighed as she crashed on the couch. Nothing much to do, no one in the house. Lily and Rufus are having their honeymoon, Jenny and Erik is always somewhere and just goes home at night, and Dan is in NYU.

'_Dan…' _Her thoughts were flying of to that place again. It started when Dan went to NYU. She realized that he isn't there anymore. He isn't there to be the boyfriend-turned-ex-turned-step-brother that would help her whenever she needed it. He was like a safety net, whenever her life falls apart or whenever relationships break, he is always there to be Dan. Either a boyfriend or a step-brother or just a simple friend.

Her phone buzzed. She looked at the screen, expecting a not-so-important text. Not really.

Gossip Girl. Private Message. _'This isn't good.'_

_**Hello Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here.**_

_**Well actually, this one's only for you S.**_

_**Pictures of Dan and Blair kissing and holding hands**_

_**Well, well, well. It seems that your favourite lonely boy is out with the fallen Queen B, aka your best friend. I wonder what they really do in NYU. **_

_**By the way, don't worry S, this would be our little secret… at least for now.**_

_**When will I expose it? Maybe now, maybe later.**_

_**But until then…**_

_**You know you love me.**_

_**XoXo,**_

**_Gossip Girl._**

**_

* * *

_**With a pen in hand he closed his eyes and tried to recall the moments of the kiss that made his heart pound, his head spin and made him think twice about what he really felt. A thought reached his head and just when his pen touched the paper he stopped. He watched as ink spread around the spot where the tip of his pen is.

He couldn't write about it.  
The perfect kiss, shadowed by the imperfect person.  
It was the way it was flawlessly flawed that made him hold a pen, ready to write, and made him let go, lost for words.

But for her, it was nothing. They were back to the we-ignore-each-other-to-make-staying-here-easier-for-the-both-of-us-type of relationship.

He sighed and closed his notebook. Maybe it would be easier if he just forgot about the bittersweet moments of 'That Night'.

That Night? It was just last night! But since he is a writer, he feels everything twice as hard as a normal person would, 'cause usually writer's have a wounded everything--- heart and soul.

Anyways, before I get too far from the point... he decides not to write about it. As he was about to leave his phone vibrated, he looked at the screen, since he's a writer, and tend to overreact on things, a bunch of emotions filled head.

Gossip Girl. Private Message. This can't be good.

**_Hello not Upper East Sider, Gossip Girl here._**

**_You really do have a thing for girls in the spotlight. First S, then Olivia, then... what's this? You and Blair?_**

**_Surprised that I know? Maybe next time, you shouldn't kiss outside._**

**_Pictures_**

**_And here I was thinking you and B hated each other. But it turns out that you were playing rebound for Chuck._**

**_Oh, I almost forgot, This is just between you and me. But when will it get out? Who knows. Wait, I do, so watch your backs because next time I don't think I'll be that nice._**

**_You know you love me._**

**_XoXo, _**

_**Gossip Girl.**_

_**

* * *

**_"Bye S." She said through the phone then flipped it shut. She doesn't need anyone now. She doesn't need Serena or Nate or anyone else to care for her.

And that exactly is what she's scared of. She knows that after Chuck had the left her she should be balling her eyes out, secretly, of course. But she wasn't.

There's still a trace of his scent event though she bathed, twice. And there's still the taste of his lips on hers even thought she brushed, gargled, and practically acid-washed her mouth. She'll just have to face it, it's all in her head, and for some reason, she can't get rid of Dan Humphrey.

Even just the thought of it it was wrong on so many levels. She's just probably appreciative of him because he saved her from falling to pieces because of a certain Basshole. She'll probably forget about it, they're already back to ignoring each other.

Then again, it scares her that she wishes it wasn't.

Her phone rang. She grabbed the phone and rolled her eyes, expecting it to be Serena, but when she looked at the screen her face fell.

Gossip Girl. Private Message. Shit.

**_Hey B. Yes your favorite not-so-favorite blogger here._**

**_Let's just cut to the chase, 'cause I know you aren't the patient type. I originally wanted to ask you about Chuck, but it seems your doing quite fine._**

**_Pictures_**

**_So... the more you hate the more you love? Or just the perfect revenge on Chuck, maybe even friends with benefits. You tell me._**

**_Don't worry, this message is exclusively for you... just don't let a second one appear._**

**_You know you love me._**

**_XoXo,_**

**_Gossip Girl._**

**_Sometimes, just whispering it to some people is better than spilling it to the whole world. Throw in a few lies and you got yourself the perfect mix of Upper East Side entertainment._**

Now let's just sit back, relax, and watch the drama burn.

Of course, it was ignited by Gossip Girl.

**_

* * *

_**

_**Sorry if it took me so long to update. School is like breathing down my neck, especially since the school year is ending. With my sister renting the computer instead of lending it, I spent so much on writing this chapter so you should be appreciative... or maybe you could just help me think for what could happen in chapter 3.**_

**_Thank you for reading please review (I'm sorry if anyone got offended with the 'writers have a tortured soul thing...)._**


	3. Songs

**So this is already the 3rd chapter. And the song featured here is "Your Call" by Secondhand Serenade... because I'm to lazy to think of my own lyrics... you'll get it when you read it. I really suggest to listen to it and their other songs. Sorry if it's short but school is like everywhere since the year is ending.**

* * *

He couldn't believe it.

He couldn't believe that he was inches away from the girl that inhabited his masochistic nightmares.

It was just this morning that he received the message from Gossip girl, and he's been pacing around his room, thinking on wether he would either tell Blair or not.

Now she's with him because he had to be the unlucky person who saw Blair Waldorf walking drunkly across the hall after the party that she managed to let Georgina convince her to go. When Dan managed to get a hold of her, he only made it up to his floor before Blair wrapped her arms around his neck and forced him to carry her to his dorm.

"Wait. Why can't I just drop you off in your dorm?"

"No!" She said and kicked her legs like a child. Dan almost dropped her but he managed to keep his balance (and patience) in check. "Georgina is with some guy, and I don't want to be there when they do... stuff"

He placed her on his bed when he finally managed to open his door.

"Okay, you could sleep here tonight." He said, panting a little bit. But his brain was screaming _'What the hell? Stupid idea!'_

"What about your roommate?"

"Don't have one."

"Unfair! You're all alone but I'm stuck with Georgina." She looked around the room and started laughing, Dan looked at her curiously. "Humphrey, I don't know how you manage to look poor, even with your father marrying Lily." She continued with the laughing. "You are--- Hey, I didn't know you could play the guitar" she started moving towards the foot of the bed where an old guitar was resting.

He just looked at her, amazed at her drunken attention span.

"Yeah. My dad used to teach me when I was little, can't really avoid it with having a rockstar for a father. Just brought it to remind me of my childhood." He smiled, recalling the memories from long ago.

"Like Cedric." She chuckled and grabbed the cabbage-patch doll from the bed.

"Like Cedric." He confirmed, smiling.

"I can't believe you brought him here."

"Well... I didn't want him to feel lonely."

"You know Humphrey, sometimes you're so creepy, it's cute." She said smilling at the doll, probably unaware of what just escaped her lips.

He just stared at her, amused.

"Was I supposed to hear that? You really are drunk."

"I am not drunk! And yes, you weren't supposed to hear that."

"Haha. But you mean it?" He asked, way too curious to be joking.

"Shut up Humphrey and let me hear one of your songs."

He smiled to himself, but not wanting to have his head cut off, he just said "What made you think I made a song?"

"Well..." She started in a tone that said 'Well duh, isn't it obvious' "You're a writer and you can play the guitar... so maybe I'll think that much."

"Maybe I did do something to kill time..."

"Let me hear it."

He picked up the guitar and started strumming, and when he started singing she swore a different voice came out.

_Waiting for your..._

Wait, is this Humphrey's voice?

_Call. I'm sick._

It's amazing.

_Call. I'm angry._

Addicting.

_Call. I'm desperate for your voice._

Enchanting.

_Listening..._

It was even better than Chuck's talking voice. (Yes, it was _that good.)_

_... to the songs we used to sing._

Chuck....

_In the car._

Now emotions that were momentarily distracted managed to come back.

_Do you remember?_

Great...

_Butterfly._

Now it has the power bring out hidden things from her heart.

_Early Summer._

She knew getting over Chuck won't be that easy.

_It was playing on repeat._

But for a while she actually believed that Dan made all that vanish.

_Just like when we would meet..._

Maybe she needs him.

_... just like when we would meet._

To help her heal, little by little.

_'Cause I was born... to tell you I love you._

I love you. Three words that pushed them together, and those words tore them apart.

_And I am torn... to do what I have to.  
To make you mine, stay with me tonight--._

She didn't even noticed that she was crying until he stopped singing and asked her, "Are you alright? Why are you crying?"

The concerned tone in his voice made her cry harder, but there was something in it that convinced her that maybe telling him wont hurt her. She managed to choke out, "Bass..."

He opened his arms for her and said, "You can cry on me."

She practically threw herself to him and buried her face to his chest. She let her tears pour out from her eyes. Even when her eyes were dry and there's no more tears flowing out, she stayed on him and just inhaled his coffee scent and listened to the lullaby he was humming for her.

And as far as she remembered, she stayed like that the whole night.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it. Please review. Thank you for reading.**


	4. Five Parts

**Yeah. Sorry for not posting for a while now. The song featured here is "Belle of the Boulevard" by Dashboard Confessional. **

**(And yes, the rumors are true... I am really 12 years old now.)**

* * *

At the young age of 13, Dan Humphrey was walking the streets of New York in the middle of winter. It was getting colder and darker outside, but with his jacket on, he just continued to walk... and think. Well, that was the reason he considered walking anyway. And with his bestfriend disappearing off the face of the Earth (to Vermont, actually) his feet took him a little bit further than usual.

He stops when he sees a girl, about his age, sitting on the steps of a building. He moves towards her, and as he got closer he can see that she's one of those rich, spoiled, bratty Upper East Sider kids that his sister was so jealous of (that worries him). But him being him, and her shivering in that flimsy yet expensive black dress, looking all miserable, he slips his jacket on her shoulder.

She looks up at him and he sits beside her, now bear of a jacket, realizing how cold it really was.

"You looked cold." he simply says.

She wanted to shout at him, tell him to get lost (he looks like he's from Brooklyn!). But he seems to be nice, and he cared about her being cold. Still, that was one step higher than what her so-called bestfriend and her mother has done so far.

"Oh... thank you." she said politely.

After a few minutes of kinda-awkward-but-not-that-awkward silence he says,

"Running away or just thinking?"

"Both." she sighed, exasperated. She 's to tired to care when she let her head fall on his shoulder. "I ran away from this party... to think."

"Oh..." He has this sinking feeling in his gut that he knows why. "Parental problems?" he asks.

She looks up at him and nods shyly.

"You know..." he started. "...my parents... they're getting into more and more arguments." he looks at her and saw that she was listening. "...but whenever they see me or my sister... they act as if everything is alright... I can hear... them shouting from my room." He looks at the street and starts wondering if he should say more, but since he already told her so much... "I wish... I wish I could just tell them that I know, so they should either fix their problem or get separated."

"Why don't you?" she asks.

He looks up at the now-dark sky.

"I don't know... but I wish I did... because even if they deny it..." He looked at her. "...they'd still know how I felt."

When he ended, a black limo appeared in front of them.

"Looks like they found me." she said, and he feels that he can hear disapointment in her voice. Both of hem stood up.

"I should get home..." he said while scratching the back of his head.

She took both of his hands and kissed him.

"Thank you." she said then turned around and went inside the limo.

Then she was gone.

He just stood there, dumbstruck. His fingers graze his lips as he said,

"Crap. I don't have virgin lips anymore."

Blair Waldorf was sitting inside a limo, staring at the window dreamily. She was trying to ignore her mother's rants about etiquette and embarassing her, but she was pulled back to the conversation when she heard,

"And where did you get that hideous jacket?"

A few years later ahe wonders why that talk with Dan Humphrey was so familiar.

**I**

* * *

Now a little older, Dan Humphrey was once again walking the streets of the Upper East Side. He needed to think, of course, and since it's Thanksgiving and they are in need of pie, he has the perfect excuse.

He's thinking about his parents and how they're still pretending, and his sister too, pretends not to notice. Plus, his bestfriend still hasn't shown up. _Great._

He bought the pie and after only a few steps outside the store, he trips on something... wait... someone. It's a person... _sigh_.

He stood up only to see his pie squashed and a girl sleeping (and shivering). When he moved closer he realized that it was the same girl he met on the steps a couple of years ago. The one who took his first kiss.

He wonders what she was doing here, she was from the Upper East Side for goodness sake! Even if he is on the Upper East Side, he's sure that they don't just go around sleeping anywhere. A cold air passes through the air so he instinctly took off his jacket and slid it on her shoulders.

As he watches her facial expression relax, he starts to wonder what it would feel like to kiss her again. So he did.

He has never done anything so reckless and stupid in his life. That's why when he pulls away, he panicked and started running to back to Brooklyn, ignoring the fact that he's returning pie-less.

Blair Waldorf was sleeping not-so-peacefully when she felt something on her lips.

She snapped her eyes open and saw the back of a boy running away. A familiar feeling erupted inside of her and she knows it's the boy. The Boy From The Steps!

"Wa-wait!" she called after him but he didn't turn around. "What's your name...?"

He slowed down again when he can't see her anymore. He heard her call after him but she's one of those rich kid. She'll probably sue him for molestation or something.

"Ugh. I left my jacket again."

The Thanksgiving after this, when he sees his pie fly off the street after saving a certain drunk, blonde girl, he wonders,

"Why the hell does this keep happening to me?"

**II**

* * *

Blair Waldorf is carefully treading through the ballroom. This time the eyes weren't on her.

She adjusted her mask and continued walking. When she finally decided to sit down she just looks at the people dancing and chatting around her.

_This is just perfect. _She meant it... really... no sarcasm.

She needed a break, a break from being Blair Waldorf. Even if everyone thinks she's perfect, now isn't a great time to be herself. With Serena, her supposedly "bestfriend" disappearing somewhere, and her father running off with a model, a male model (yeah, you really can't just say it without the male part), who could blame her?

She was sitting alone, drink in hand when a person stirred up right beside her. She just looked at her feet and ignored him, hoping he would too. All hope was diminished when he slips a a paper to her view.

_You okay?_

"Yes I am." She said sternly, no way was she letting anyone know how fucked-up she was right now.

_No you aren't._

"What do you care?" she snaps.

_Because you have my jackets._

Wait... it's him? He goes to St. Judes?

Her head snaps up, only to be met by his lips on hers. She felt something familiar stir up in the pit of her stomach.

When he pulls away, she kept her eyes closed, letting everything get to her. She wished she didn't, because when she opened her eyes he was gone.

_I'm sorry. I just really needed that.  
-D_

Dan Humphrey was running away from the party, ripping off his mask from his face.

"This is the last time..." he mutters to himself.

This is the last time because he knows who she is now.

Because he knows where he stands with Blair Waldorf.

Because he's just Dan Humphrey.

**III

* * *

**

She knows she shouldn't be in here doing... doing this. Here being the bathroom, and this meaning purging whatever there is that used to be in her stomach.

And he knows he shouldn't be in there doing that. There being the foot of Blair's bathroom door, and that referring to deciding wether or not he should talk to Blair when he was supposed to be with Serena Van der Woodsen. (Yes, someone, somewhere, up there, thought it would be funny to make Serena and Blair bestfriends.)

But when he heard strange noises coming from the other side of the door, he knows he wants to break it down. Still, knowing that Blair hates him (and he's a little scared too), he settles for slipping something under the door.

When nothing comes out of her mouth anymore, she leans against the door, still feeling horrible about herself. She's crying her eyes out when she sees a note slip from underneath the door.

_You okay?_

Her heart started to race or pound or whatever it usually does in the movies and books. But having learned the hard way, she knows not to get her hopes up.

"Who are you...?" She asks shakily. When there was no reply, more tears started to fall down her face. She knew it was too good to be true, but she's been waiting for him for a long time. "Would you please leave me alone! Go away!"

_Oh sorry. You can keep the jackets._

He was getting up when the door opened slightly and a shaky voice came through.

"Wait. Please... stay."

He sat down, with his back against the door.

_I'm sorry, I can't say who I am._

"Why not?" She poked her head out, trying to get a glimpse of what he looked like.

He immediently covered her eyes with his hand and kissed her. He tasted tears and pain.

When they pulled away, she found herself facing the bathroom wall again. In her hand was another note.

_Because I wasn't supposed to do that. But I want to help, really. Please tell me what's wrong._

So she does, starting from never being good enough to her mom, always coming in second to Serena, to always needing to be in control.

She watches as small peices of paper slip inside, words of comfort filling it. It makes half of her feel better and the other half wonder, _Where the hell does he get those papers?._

When she finishes, she sticks out a hand to him and was relieved when she felt him take it.

After a few seconds of silence she hears his voice for the first time.

_Don't turn away. Dry your eyes, dry your eyes._

She squeezes his hand tighter.

_Don't be afraid. Keep it all inside, all inside._

Her eyes close.

_When you fall apart. Dry your eyes, dry your eyes._

She lets his voice fill her head.

_Life is always hard... for the Belle of the Boulevard._

By the time she realized she fell asleep, she was already in her bed. She looked around for him. Nothing.

Then she realized he left her something.

He walks through the loft holding his breath, hopefully they didn't notice.

"And... where's your jacket?"

**IV**

* * *

Four Times Blair Waldorf and Dan Humphrey Kissed and One Time She Knew It Was Him.

* * *

He followed her that one night. The night Chuck Bass decided to leave her. Even if he has given up on partying, the Bass business has consumed him this time. It seems that she's just a distraction to him now. She's never comes first, both of them realized.

She runs. She runs away, hoping he would follow her, but not expecting it. Instead, that night, Humphrey chases her and breaks her and picks up the peices and tries to put it back together. So she kisses him that night, and the memories (you know... the one said above) started flooding back to her brain. It was him. Then, she suddenly wants him, because of all the times he's been there for her. Then she hates him, for all the time he wasn't.

She finds herself being confused again, so this time, she runs from him, this time, in a cab, so this time, no one could chase her and break her and pick up the peices and try to put it back together.

The next time she sees Humphrey, she wasn't in the most stable condition. (No thanks to a certain Georgina Sparks, and whatever brand of cheap beer they have in those red cups. Not really her usual drink, but still has the same effect, nonetheless.) She spots him, obviously from the same party, but not completely drunk.

She finds herself in his dorm room (which she later finds out was her fault), listening to him sing to her like he did a few years ago. It was enough to make her cry about that Basstard all-over again, but she knew he didn't break her, because she already was.

But when she finds herself wrapped in his arms just a few second later, she's sure he's picking up the peices and putting it back together.

**V**

* * *

_**Well it seems that our former Queen B and not-so-lonely boy doesn't really care about the messages sent to them by a certain blogger.**_

_**That would be great... if they were the only ones who got the texts.**_

_**Wonder how S took this...**_

* * *

**Thank you for reading... Please review.**


End file.
